words fall like scattered papers
as soft light dressed as afternoon
slips in through the window
illuminated
the room
my desk
my mind
revealed
i can see the torrent of books,
papers, scraps of thought teetering
on the shelves i look and see
stones i had forgotten, old photos in piles
faces from the past that stare balefully at me
landscapes waiting for acrylic birth
when did this happen?
when did i stop to do what comforts me
pulls me in from the whirling,
wraps me in the sweet unknowing and
presses a pen, a brush to my palm
whispering to me
express
instead
frantically overcome
and choking i have sat by this window
forgetting everything
until, like walking into a low tree branch
and crashing to the ground
i wake up
and watch the sun

~la tyson

The stone is heavier today after I learned of the sudden passing of my husband's uncle. He had a massive heart attack and died early this morning. His death has hit me hard for several reasons - not the least of which he was a dear person, well loved and cared for his elderly mother (my husband's grandmother) for many years. My heart goes out to Granny, who has had to bury three children before her own passing.

There have been some dramatic changes in my life over the past weeks (that for personal reasons I won't explain fully - out of respect for those involved) - marriages have ended, people have passed one, friendships have been tested, and health concerns loom heavily. I am a strong person, but as one thing piles onto the other, I wonder how much stronger I must be. My husband said today in an effort to comfort me 'well these things come in three's' then I reminded him that this is 'thing' number six...

Today was a difficult day, but I know that tomorrow will be a new one. In the days to come we will celebrate Uncle Tom's life.

cloudy with a chance of showers


....lots of tears these days - going through a very difficult time. It is a time of dramatic change, dramatic skies in my life or at least in the lives surrounding me. I am being impacted by these events deeply, and it is a time of great learning for me personally. There is blue sky waiting to emerge - hopefully sooner rather than later. I am hoping alot for sooner. I miss the sunshine.

sharing some joy :-)

courage

This weekend is our Canadian Thanksgiving - this afternoon was the first of three celebrations I will be part of - had linner (lunch/ dinner - I convinced my neices and nephews and daughters this was a real term today). It was a good afternoon - and I am deeply thankful for children today. The day also had some more serious undertones - with my mother's health and news that my younger brother's marriage is ending... I am thankful today for the little moments - for the smile and giggle of my youngest nephew, who seems almost to be a twin to me (he looks very very similar to me when I was the same age - right down to the uncontrollable white blond hair), for sharing a meal together with the people that I love dearly, for having my husband home safely after what was a very challenging and worrisome four weeks.... I am thankful for a great many things and people in my life. I am so deeply greatful for what arrives when I am open to it. After linner, I went to a bookshop and did a bit of shopping (Monday is my rest day and I am looking forward to just reading and being with my family) - three things stood out for me... ok two books and one magazine. I bought Pema Chodron's newest book called Taking The Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears and The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind by William Kamkwamba. Then, at the last moment, I took a stroll through the magazine racks and found the latest issue of Shambala Sun ... I started to read the magazine first, not quite in the mood for a book tonight, and quickly realized that these three choices were 'important' after skimming the table of contents and reading the first three paragraphs of the article by Pema Chodron. I am thankful for these synchonicities - in a way that is quite beyond words.

Someone asked me yesterday about what I am thankful for - and all I could say to them, without giving a huge long list, was everything... and I am.

xo
la