time
Posted on Jun 29th, 2009
by
quietlaughter
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 29, 2009:
Time – quite literally. I keep losing my watch … I just did again this week - two of them. So really, it is better to say watches, because each time I lose one, I have to buy a new one, which ends up being lost sooner or later. Grown up people are supposed to wear a watch. I am not sure why I think this – someone long ago probably said it to me and it stuck. It stuck to the degree that I think of it every time I have already lost the watch. Generally speaking the only time I wear my watch is when I have to “know” what time it is. I usually like to have naked wrists. It actually bothers me to have anything on my wrists for an extended period of time because I have cysts in both wrists that grow from time to time (nothing serious of course, they are ganglion cysts, have had them all my life). That is the excuse I use anyway. The truth of the matter is, I don’t like to wear a watch. If I don’t have one on, then time doesn’t matter so much to me. Actually, even with it on, time doesn’t matter so much to me. If I wear a watch it is because time matters to someone else, and I am a cheerful person, wanting, most often, to help another person (ie. Time restricted) remain cheerful. There is naked beauty in not wearing a watch. Truly there is.
There are other things that I have lost besides my watches. I had a pendant once, a stone turtle. I had been given it as a gift, and the person said to me “Oh Leigh, this is the right animal for you. The turtle is your animal guide.” Now, the thing is, I am a gracious person as much as I am generally cheerful. I accepted the gift. I put the pendant around my neck that day. We were in a park at a folk festival. We walked around, had some lunch and then on the way home, I realized suddenly, the pendant was gone. It had fallen off my neck and dropped into the grass somewhere. I was disappointed. I thought all that night and for several days later, that was my animal totem that I lost in the park. That can’t be good. A few weeks later, I happened to be in a shopping mall, and there were craft vendors set up in the common area between the stores. Luck would have it that one of the vendors was selling stone pendants (among other things) and I found another turtle pendant. Happily, I bought it, put it around my neck. The next day – it was gone. I had put it on the table (I was certain) but when I got up, I could not find it anywhere. I checked my bag, checked my apartment – it did not turn up. I was starting to question whether or not I was losing my mind. Why didn’t this turtle friend of mine want to stick around?? I remember calling my friend with the bad news. “No matter” he said. “ I will find you the right turtle”. I waited. Ok, I didn’t exactly wait around the phone, and went about my regular days. A week later, we met for coffee, and he presented me with another turtle. One that his friend had made. Great, I thought, I am all set. This turtle stuck around a little longer. Two weeks went by and I managed to keep track of the elusive turtle. Then it was gone. I was at work, finished my shift and when I got home late at night, realized, the string of the pendant had come undone. No turtle again. I am a believer in things happening in threes. Clearly the turtle and I were not compatible. I do enjoy turtles, but never again have I tried to keep one around my neck in any form.
The topic of loss always reminds me of the story of Kisa Gotami. I don’t know if you know it. She was devastated by the death of her son. Not know what to do, she seeks out the Buddha for advice. He said he had a cure for death, much to the surprise of everyone, but the price to know the cure was to bring him a mustard seed from every family in the village who had not known death. Kisa Gotami went to every household looking for these special mustard seeds. Everywhere she went she met people who had lost someone to death. Finally she returned to the Buddha and sat humbly at his feet. She realized how selfish her grief was, and the Buddha explained to her how her attachment to death and dying, to her grief and loss made her suffer. It was when I first read and heard this story that I understand something, and started to truly let go.
~
There are other things that I have lost besides my watches. I had a pendant once, a stone turtle. I had been given it as a gift, and the person said to me “Oh Leigh, this is the right animal for you. The turtle is your animal guide.” Now, the thing is, I am a gracious person as much as I am generally cheerful. I accepted the gift. I put the pendant around my neck that day. We were in a park at a folk festival. We walked around, had some lunch and then on the way home, I realized suddenly, the pendant was gone. It had fallen off my neck and dropped into the grass somewhere. I was disappointed. I thought all that night and for several days later, that was my animal totem that I lost in the park. That can’t be good. A few weeks later, I happened to be in a shopping mall, and there were craft vendors set up in the common area between the stores. Luck would have it that one of the vendors was selling stone pendants (among other things) and I found another turtle pendant. Happily, I bought it, put it around my neck. The next day – it was gone. I had put it on the table (I was certain) but when I got up, I could not find it anywhere. I checked my bag, checked my apartment – it did not turn up. I was starting to question whether or not I was losing my mind. Why didn’t this turtle friend of mine want to stick around?? I remember calling my friend with the bad news. “No matter” he said. “ I will find you the right turtle”. I waited. Ok, I didn’t exactly wait around the phone, and went about my regular days. A week later, we met for coffee, and he presented me with another turtle. One that his friend had made. Great, I thought, I am all set. This turtle stuck around a little longer. Two weeks went by and I managed to keep track of the elusive turtle. Then it was gone. I was at work, finished my shift and when I got home late at night, realized, the string of the pendant had come undone. No turtle again. I am a believer in things happening in threes. Clearly the turtle and I were not compatible. I do enjoy turtles, but never again have I tried to keep one around my neck in any form.
The topic of loss always reminds me of the story of Kisa Gotami. I don’t know if you know it. She was devastated by the death of her son. Not know what to do, she seeks out the Buddha for advice. He said he had a cure for death, much to the surprise of everyone, but the price to know the cure was to bring him a mustard seed from every family in the village who had not known death. Kisa Gotami went to every household looking for these special mustard seeds. Everywhere she went she met people who had lost someone to death. Finally she returned to the Buddha and sat humbly at his feet. She realized how selfish her grief was, and the Buddha explained to her how her attachment to death and dying, to her grief and loss made her suffer. It was when I first read and heard this story that I understand something, and started to truly let go.
~

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