Happy Victoria Day, shaping the garden and riding with my girls

I have been doing a terrible job in taking the time to write lately. There is alot of resistance going on, resistance to cleaning out the rafters of my mind, and avoidance. Mostly I have been avoiding doing the cleaning, but in the process of doing that, the writing has slowed to a drizzle. Whenever the sunshines, I find myself refusing to be indoors, and after one of the hardest winters that I can remember, I don't blame myself. It's an active time, on many levels, and the time for writing will come - likely when it is warm enough to stay outside for hours not wrapped up in a thick blanket. Fingers crossed, that will be in the next week or so.

Today, happily, I spent alot of it outside, despite it being chilly, with my daughters and the rest of the family to celebrate two birthdays and go for a nice bike ride. I am happy to have been able to spend the time with everyone. It is a time of big and little changes, and we all needed to just share some laughter and good food for awhile to remember what is important - or at least, that is what I needed.

Shaping the garden is taking a little longer. I am meeting resistance there too. I have very little done, a handful of things, like the patio which now has some netting and curtains for privacy. Big hugs to my hub for putting together the lounger yesterday. He's not the handiest of people, and kept his cursing outside while he worked. I do appreciate how much he did - we will definitely enjoy his construction this summer. I definitely will. It's a perfect place for reading. I did this too. I wish I had gotten to setting up the pond - but it is too cold yet to put the fish out. Next weekend definitely this will happen, and the weeding will get done sometime this week- maybe even some annuals will be planted, who knows.

Keeping busy has somehow become another method of avoidance for me - yes productive, but also one distraction balanced precariously on the next distraction. Believe me I am a master of become distracted by flowers and details. So what am I avoiding? I wish I knew. I just feel it. Some 'it' thing that has been weighing on me since the beginning of January... heavy, dormant, growing. Sounds ominous. Likely isn't. I have my suspicions that is just change again, lurking about, trying to be all ' hey i'm change, I'm so threatening, be afraid, be very afraid' yeah whatever.

The good thing about keeping busy is that the really important thoughts don't get lost in the 'hey I'm busy freaking out here' thoughts. Oh, did I mention that I just finished making another blanket? Started another one. Idle hands and all. My grandmother was a wise woman. Whatever it is - this 'it' thing pain in my butt, I am shrugging 'it' off in exchange for spending time with family, soaking in the sunshine and garden stillness, and letting the writing do its own thing, while I am catching up. Besides, that is what holidays are for - regroup, rest and rejuvenate.

xo bring on the roses.

la