thinking alot.

death – it is such a difficult topic. Recently it came up here . No sooner had I written about some of my experience/ dance with death in an attempt to offer some personal understanding on the subject, the very next day, a  very dear friend of mine lost her son at birth. It was a heartbreaking moment and gave me some pause to think about why this subject continues to come up for me, but not only that, that people around me are either passing or dealing directly with this loss. What I wrote, was not to say that I find dealing with death easy – in fact quite the opposite. I felt a profound sadness for the passing of this young angel, George, who never knew this world, at least not this time around. I will say though, my heart goes out to the bravery and wisdom of my friend and her husband as they move forward with the brief life of their son, and how they are honouring his life. I am deeply proud of them.

How we, individually, approach and are affected by death is very very different. I have a great deal of respect for everyone and their own experience with this transition. Even if we remove the religious, spiritual implications of death, and look at ‘it’ from a purely organic standpoint – there is transition at the most basic level, a cycle that we cannot escape from. Of course, I do not believe that we exist in only one level, that all levels of existence are equally integrated, and this transition touches all levels, which is why we, I, have such a sharp time dealing with the physical loss of someone. I think it is normal. So are tears. Both nourish and strengthen the soul. Accepting the process, for me, does not mean becoming unemotional – instead, it is about accepting that those emotions are part of the entire transition. There will be grief, tears, sadness, anger even, in acknowledging someone’s passing – even your own passing as it approaches. It’s ok that there is, even if there isn’t, that’s ok. There’s no rule that says you must do this or that. Just let yourself feel and give what you need to.

There just are no easy answers. Sometimes, no answers at all. Sometimes it is easier to accept our own mortality, the coming of our own death, than it is to accept the passing of someone we love, we know. Sometimes the opposite is true. No nice ribbons to tie everything up neatly with. But, getting through is getting through. No matter how difficult, everything happens for a reason. There are not always words or means to explain why, or what will come as a result of someone passing at any point in their life, but there is always meaning.  I have said this before – death comes when it comes. I just try to live each day with one question in mind. What have I left undone? I try to live, love, laugh and find the beauty in every day.

In the end, I am deeply humbled by the life of a stillborn child, and inspired by the family who grieves and loves in his passing.

Xo
la