Gaia Community: quietlaughter's Blog

What was the last thing you gave away?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:54:32 GMT

The last thing I gave away was a small stuffed Peter Rabbit that played the song "Peter Cottontail" to a beautiful little girl named Trinity. Her parents came in to work yesterday to donate a couple of winter coats that they did not need any longer for their two older children. Like many families, they are struggling to make ends meet. I have gotten to know this family over the years, and the kinds of struggles that they have been going through year after year. A large family of 5 children, both parents work minimum wage jobs, trying to make ends meet. The father was recently laid off when the factory he worked for closed down, and now works whenever he can. They work hard to put food on the table, and when things are especially tight, they come to me for some extra help - whether it is help with getting winter clothing through our coat program, or help accessing other programs that will help the kids play sports or have fun just being kids.

Trinity came with her parents yesterday - and while her parents searched out some warm hats and mittens because the weather has finally turned cold and snowy here, she and I wandered up and down the hallway. We were looking at the left over coats from the week before, and into other boxes in case we found some more hats that had been donated. The rabbit was tucked into one of these boxes. I showed her how to pull the tail to make the music play - her face just lit up with delight. We listened to the music, and when they had found everything that they needed, Trinity's mom told her that she had to give me back the rabbit. I said of course that she could keep it, and not surprisingly Trinity was thrilled. She whispered to me "The rabbit's cute" and went to hold her dad's hand. I couldn't agree more - and so was she.

I have been thinking alot about Trinity today and how she was completely in the moment, completely present, and enjoying the rabbit song. I was touched by her simple joy not just when she learned that she could keep the toy, but before when she didn't know it would be hers by the time it came to leave. Trinity reminded me how important it is to just be here. Enjoy the moments that come along that bring delight. I will always think of her face that day - shining and smiling. No matter what else goes on in life - there is always an opportunity to make a child smile. That's a gift that gives all ways. always.

Tags: Q&R, giving, gift

If you could be a genius in one subject, what would it be?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:47:51 GMT

love

Tags: Q&R, genius, gift, skill

a prayer before dying

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:37:29 GMT

shhhh twenty percent
sleeps
inside me
and even awake
slams the door
shut tight
and to the world
says a big fuck you
and thank you very much
leave me alone already
i don't want you or your help
your words are empty and shallow
nothing that is what you mean
to me.
period

shhhh twenty percent
sleeps oblivious/ indifferent
another twenty percent
happy in the sunshine
puppy dog eyes and watching
heart full to overflowing
waiting for the next message
for the overwhelming excitement
to spirit me away
the soft touch
of my palm to yours
to follow
each word to the letter

shhhh 20%
sleeps
20% follows
and the rest -
the chaotic milling
and pacing
of the rest of my 100% -
is milling and pacing chaotically
weaving over the line
drifting towards the ditch
swaying with the breeze
no matter how rank or sweet
it might be
following and stopping
looking and searching
raging and crying
hoping and laughing
in prayer before dying

shhh we are sleeping
and do not want to be disturbed

hallelujah we singing
and you are preaching to the choir

please we are waiting
and want to know the truth

we are the rest of us
dressed in the folds of a sweater
on this cool day in November
housed in this body,
standing dazed and confused
in this sunshine and crisp air
convince and caress
embrace and hold close
at the very least
help us to see that
it is in fact a path
we’ve been standing on
all along
all we want is something
something to quench our
thirst

what now for those
who slammed the door shut?
what language for them ?
what energy on aiding
those who are adamantly deaf?
What now for those who follow
Blindly into bliss and need no
Convincing in the light?
What now for the rest
Who simply do not know
And wrestle with shame and doubt
Anger and confusion
Joy and love and happiness?
What now for them?
What now…..

You inside of me, may sleep
Keep your hardened self a seed
Whose shell is unbroken and
Shriveled

You inside of me, may rejoice
In the freedom you find in the light
Bloom and spread your wings
- dream and dream and dream

finally you – you who cower and question
and love and cry inside of me
you may wonder
you may live
you may pray
you may love
in your prayers before dying
know that you are
and that is all.

~ la tyson

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this is what you get...

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:20:38 GMT

This is what you get…
When the black curtains are drawn tightly
Over the windows and
The moonlight struggles to find her way inside
This is what you get when the doors are closed and locked
And everything is shut
Out

This bulging here against the glass
Look where I am pointing….
And here the wood that is splitting against the pressure
And here where the foundation has cracked
Look the rafters are caving
And the ceiling droops from the heaving attic
Wait now, soon it will collapse

Here take my hand my friend,
Mind the falling shards and bits of stone
Step around here
Oh and here as well the chasm seems to have grown
But listen
Do you hear that rush of water
Racing towards the edge of stone waiting
No not even waiting to leap
Leaping into the air and
Falling into cool sweet pools below

This is what you get my dear
When everything falls apart

When the falling is done
When the first drop of water reaches
The beautiful, still face of the pool
And kisses its new love with such passion
That there is no turning back

This is where we begin.
When it all falls apart

This is where we begin
In the end
~

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night comes with autumn

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:20:27 GMT

night comes with autumn
dressed in shadows
lines of Blake wind
their way through my head
Cohen's voice hangs on my shoulders
like a familiar, warm embrace
out of corners the shadows move
forms and turning
pulling me
away or towards
I can’t tell which
any longer

notes and rhythm fill the evening
memories dotted with staccato beats
smiles and deeper thoughts
woven and mended

where is no longer floating
or why – the endless search
so I thought once-
no, I found them sleeping
curled together on the red pillows
thrown carelessly at my feet
stretched out and relaxed
as though there was nothing wrong
in fact, there never was

I crawl out from inside of myself
and the rest
stretch, prepare to sleep too
after so long,
outside the cool November air
reminds me that autumn is
my time

~ Leigh-Anne Tyson

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disorganized skin

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:35:30 GMT

Layers and features
Jumbled
Upside down reflections
In my teaspoon
Light bent
And colours gone mad
Where did I start
Where did I end
Tilted head
Reveals the slope
Of cheek that
Greets the neck
This eye watches
Half closed
As sleep pulls at the lashes
Please
Rest
This chaos
Will still be here
When you wake up

Memory, dreams
Like a mirror
What do the warped edges
And bubbles in the glass
Do to my reflecting?
Like the mirrors
In a funhouse
Sometimes thin ankles
Short and wide
Tall, my god! like the giraffe
(if only seriously)
Or tiny as a mouse

One eye opened
The sunlight shines
Over me through the window
Morning demanding my attention
Once again.
Where is my reflection
Not distorted in polished glass
Or even when covered in
The dust of several lifetimes
In a riot of light and colour
Leaving me disorganized
In my own skin.

~ Leigh-Anne Tyson

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sunrise

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:33:05 GMT

sunrise

sunrise in between
the field and unfolded sky
a tree stands alone
~

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I feel this pause

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:19:29 GMT

I feel this pause
Between breath, no breath
The sky is sapphire
And the birds play in the pines
Their songs float down
Around me like a misty musical rain
The pause lifts itself into the air
Curling and turning
In an upward dance
Like a feather caught on a breeze
The sun shines through the branches
I stand
Held
In this moment
~

Leigh-Anne Tyson

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If you could go back to school, what would you study?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:13:40 GMT

It’s interesting, because this very question has been going through my mind lately. I have my degree in French and Anthropology and a minor in English. I have often thought about doing my masters in one of these subjects or getting my teaching certificate. If I could go back to school to study anything, I have no idea what it would be. One area of my anthro studies that I have brought with me since graduating is sustainable development. I am lucky in fact because I am applying directly what I learned through my anthro degree to my current job in a non-profit children’s charity. Sustainable development, for me, is key to breaking the cycle of poverty for anyone – in the third world or the first world. I have never given myself the time to write about the topic though, or explore it in a very singular way. I am also very interested in exploring the concept of rural bias in development and how that has impeded sustainability in a global sense. It has – and anecdotally I can write about it, provide hundreds of examples of how resisting that bias would radically change the current approach of NGO’s and charities who seek to develop communities in Africa in particular, but again – I would need to have the time to explore further through those studies that I long left behind, to actually do some practical work.

In the meantime though – I will continue to work with low income families in my community and developing strategies to help them break the cycle of poverty.

Tags: Q&R, education, learning

words fall like scattered papers

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:43:29 GMT

words fall like scattered papers
as soft light dressed as afternoon
slips in through the window
illuminated
the room
my desk
my mind
revealed
i can see the torrent of books,
papers, scraps of thought teetering
on the shelves i look and see
stones i had forgotten, old photos in piles
faces from the past that stare balefully at me
landscapes waiting for acrylic birth
when did this happen?
when did i stop to do what comforts me
pulls me in from the whirling,
wraps me in the sweet unknowing and
presses a pen, a brush to my palm
whispering to me
express
instead
frantically overcome
and choking i have sat by this window
forgetting everything
until, like walking into a low tree branch
and crashing to the ground
i wake up
and watch the sun

~la tyson

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How did you get to where you are now?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:22:34 GMT

one step at a time

Tags: Q&R, journey, life, reflections, path

stones

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:04:21 GMT

The stone is heavier today after I learned of the sudden passing of my husband's uncle. He had a massive heart attack and died early this morning. His death has hit me hard for several reasons - not the least of which he was a dear person, well loved and cared for his elderly mother (my husband's grandmother) for many years. My heart goes out to Granny, who has had to bury three children before her own passing.

There have been some dramatic changes in my life over the past weeks (that for personal reasons I won't explain fully - out of respect for those involved) - marriages have ended, people have passed one, friendships have been tested, and health concerns loom heavily. I am a strong person, but as one thing piles onto the other, I wonder how much stronger I must be. My husband said today in an effort to comfort me 'well these things come in three's' then I reminded him that this is 'thing' number six...

Today was a difficult day, but I know that tomorrow will be a new one. In the days to come we will celebrate Uncle Tom's life.

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undone

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:43:52 GMT

undone by the pain
waiting for it to unfold
sitting with the stone

~

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What weather are you today?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:33:15 GMT

cloudy with a chance of showers

....lots of tears these days - going through a very difficult time. It is a time of dramatic change, dramatic skies in my life or at least in the lives surrounding me. I am being impacted by these events deeply, and it is a time of great learning for me personally. There is blue sky waiting to emerge - hopefully sooner rather than later. I am hoping alot for sooner. I miss the sunshine.

Tags: Q&R, weather, mood, emotions

longing for the open sky

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:38:52 GMT

the house is quiet

but my mind is filled with thoughts

and night holds its breath

longing for the open sky

untethered and flying high

my heart is silent

alone in growing darkness

waiting for morning

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sad day...

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:06:38 GMT

Today I was told that someone I have known for a long time passed away. He was a long time member in the center where I work, and I often spoke with him, joked around with him and his wife. I knew he was in palliative care only recently and I did not have a chance to say goodbye. I was asked to create the memorial card for his service on Tuesday. I wanted to share the card that he gave to his wife this year. It has touched me deeply - what he wrote. I will always think of Ron as an example of someone who knew life could be hard sometimes, but what truly matters is finding and always seeing the beauty in the people that he loved most.

Until we meet again, Ron.

xo
la
~

For My Beautiful Wife

Dear Joan,

The first time I saw you,

      I somehow knew

you’d be important in my life.

In my eyes, you were beautiful

in so many ways,

    there was no doubt

     that I wanted to spend forever

          with you.

And when we got married,

things were every bit as good

as I’d hoped.

I didn’t want anything to change.

But…life is full of changes,

and not every day can be paradise.

Together we’ve faced reality,

the day-to-day “bumps in the road”

that test every couple’s patience.

I’ve seen you in many challenging situations,

and the miracle is…
you’re even more beautiful

than I thought possible.

Not only are you the woman of my dreams,

But you’re also my best friend,

and as time passes,

I fall more deeply in love with you.

Love & Best Wishes

Very Truly Yours

Love Ron

XOXOXO

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dancing in the streets of Chicago

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:37:23 GMT

flash mob - black eyed peas - i got a feeling -oprah 24 season

sharing some joy :-)

Tags:

What makes something sacred?

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:24:47 GMT

courage

Tags: Q&R, sacred, reverence, holy

Happy Thanksgiving - Cdn Style ;-)

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 02:51:55 GMT

This weekend is our Canadian Thanksgiving - this afternoon was the first of three celebrations I will be part of - had linner (lunch/ dinner - I convinced my neices and nephews and daughters this was a real term today). It was a good afternoon - and I am deeply thankful for children today. The day also had some more serious undertones - with my mother's health and news that my younger brother's marriage is ending... I am thankful today for the little moments - for the smile and giggle of my youngest nephew, who seems almost to be a twin to me (he looks very very similar to me when I was the same age - right down to the uncontrollable white blond hair), for sharing a meal together with the people that I love dearly, for having my husband home safely after what was a very challenging and worrisome four weeks.... I am thankful for a great many things and people in my life. I am so deeply greatful for what arrives when I am open to it. After linner, I went to a bookshop and did a bit of shopping (Monday is my rest day and I am looking forward to just reading and being with my family) - three things stood out for me... ok two books and one magazine. I bought Pema Chodron's newest book called Taking The Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears and The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind by William Kamkwamba. Then, at the last moment, I took a stroll through the magazine racks and found the latest issue of Shambala Sun ... I started to read the magazine first, not quite in the mood for a book tonight, and quickly realized that these three choices were 'important' after skimming the table of contents and reading the first three paragraphs of the article by Pema Chodron. I am thankful for these synchonicities - in a way that is quite beyond words.

Someone asked me yesterday about what I am thankful for - and all I could say to them, without giving a huge long list, was everything... and I am.

xo
la

Tags:

I Believe...

http://quietlaughter.gaia.com — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:21:41 GMT

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.

I Believe..
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe..
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe..
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'

Author Unknown

I can't remember when or where I found this piece first... but I just found it again tonight, and thought I would share. The timing of this rediscovery is quite good for me, just what I needed to hear tonight. I am glad I keep the things that I do sometimes - though I should really label them better ;-)

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